I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Updated Edition 2012) : Book Review

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris



I Kissed Dating Goodbye © 2012

It’s doesn’t mean totally saying goodbye to dating. This book is a guide for us to a blessed and committed romantic relationship. I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better–a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness. 

I Kissed Dating Good Bye Topic per chapter: (my favorites: 2, 3,9,11 and 13)

  1. So this Love?
  2. The Little Relationship Principle
  3. The Seven Habits of Defective Dating
  4. Counter Culture Romance
  5. The Right Thing in the Wrong Time is the Wrong Thing
  6. The Direction of Purity
  7. A Cleansed Past : The Room
  8. Starting with the Clean State
  9. Just Friends in the Just Do it World
  10. Guard your heart
  11. Redeeming the Time
  12. What matters at fifty?
  13. Principled Romance
  14. Someday I’ll have a story to tell

Joshua Harris as a writer/author

Joshua Harris writing style in this book is personal, anecdotal and bible supported.  He is not afraid of telling about his private life just to relate the topics in the book. The approach is very personal so when you read the book thoroughly it’s like reading a diary of a close friend. He has also the humor. The writings are also chronological based on his personal experience.

Here are the important points I’ve learned in this book: 

The Seven Habits of Defective Dating

1) Dating leads to intimacy, but not necessarily to commitment.

2) Dating tends to skip the ‘friendship’ stage of a relationship.

3) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.

4) Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.

5) Dating distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.

6) Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness.

7) Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating someone’s character.

 Stages of Principled Romance

  1. Casual Friendship
  1. Deeper Friendship 
  1. Courtship (purposeful intimacy with integrity) 
  1. Engagement

 Quotable Quotes that I love in this book:

 “When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.” 

“The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.” 

 “The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.” 

 “When you let God be God you can let humans be humans. When we place God in His rightful place in our lives, we don’t struggle so much when human relationships let us down.” 

“When we define our happiness by some point in the future, it will never arrive. We’ll keep waiting until tomorrow. If we allow impatience to govern us, we will miss the gift of the moment. We’ll arrive at that point in time we expected to provide fulfillment and find it lacking.” 

“A relationship based solely on physical attraction will only last as long as the feelings last.”

“Until you realize God’s gift of your singleness, you’ll probably miss out on the incredible opportunities it holds.”

“Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God’s timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives.”

 “Purity doesn’t happen by accident; it requires obedience to God.”

It is the man’s responsibility to state the purpose of the relationship. “At the right time, the guy needs to lead in the relationship and say, ‘The purpose for this [relationship] is marriage. I’m getting closer to you emotionally and spending more time with you for a specific purpose. I want you to test me, and I want to ask these tough questions about whether or not we are uniquely suited for each other,'” Harris said.


I enjoyed reading this book. I was determined to finish it from the beginning until the end. My expectation about this book is different about what I have experience through reading it. I was thinking that it was a fiction at first though I have an idea that it is a best seller for I know most of the best seller nowadays is fiction kind of books. I was surprised that it is based on the real life of the author.

This book must be read by the youth of today’s generation. I guess most of them will laugh if they will have a chance to read this book. How would you define romance without all the PDA thing (hugging, kissing and more)? Media shows it in that way so how can it be that possible.  They might think that the book promoted traditional kind of romantic relationship.  In reality, this book will help them to avoid the dangers behind of the fancy romance they are thinking about. The deceiving perception about romance on-screen will just make them believe in an illusion that will later on make them disappointed, wrecked and frustrated.  I can all say that because it’s my personal experience. That happened to me. I really regret that I have read this book just now (2015).

Upon reading the book, I was delighted about the future of my romantic life because I am guided with a principled romance. I appreciate the Gift of Singleness. I was given more opportunities to do the things that I want, to have time for improving myself and serving God in my way. I am really happy. Having a family is not a piece of cake because of the responsibilities that you will shoulder in the future. It’s better that you are prepared when that time comes so that having a spouse, children and in-laws won’t give you much difficulty in living life.

Joshua Harris discussed also the comparison of DATING and PRINCIPLED ROMANCE which I agree too.  Here are his thoughts:

“Principled romance differs from dating in two major areas: motives and timing.

The motive behind a principled romance is getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage. Having marriage as one’s goal implies a high level of commitment.

In contrast, Harris said dating relationships generally lack long-term commitment and tend to be driven by selfish motives. “People date because they want to enjoy the emotional and even physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment,” Harris writes.

The timing of dating is also different from that of principled romance. Dating can take place at any age and time, allowing people to shop when they have no intention of buying.

On the other hand, principled romance takes place only when a couple is prepared to pursue marriage. Harris said a person must feel confident that God is calling him or her to pursue marriage before entering into a principled romance. This means that individuals should seriously consider whether they are prepared emotionally and spiritually to fulfill the commitment of a principled romance before forming romantic attachments.”

(source: Google)

Overall, I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a very interesting read. Even though I am busy, I really make time to read it because it’s exciting and worth reading. I can relate with the topics from the book. It’s also timely for me to read this kind of book. Thanks that I got the chance to read it. To also know that Joshua Harris has written this book at the age of 22 amazed me as well. In that young age, he was able to come up with a book from all his realization regarding this aspect of his life. That’s cool. I can recommend this book to teenagers and young adults. (Even adults) It’s the perfect guide for a blessed romantic relationship.

Rating:  8 out of 10


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